TRUMPs, the show, part 14

It’s a never-ending story. The TRUMPs show continues to amaze. Breitbart News and yours truly were just given an exclusive interview with DonaldT. This is just as true as DonaldT’s wiretapping allegations are.

We had a lovely time disparaging the competition: The New York Times, Washington Post and Politico, to name a few.

I offer no transcript of the interview for obvious reasons. DonaldT’s comments below may be alternative-facts-4, but the sentiment is not.

So here goes DonaldT on:

Obama: The guy is bad, or sick, or both. I just read in Breitbart News that he had my phones in Trump Tower wiretapped. You know how reliable Breitbart is. They are always right, or was that alt-right? Whatever.

Obama is going down. He writes too well and speaks too well, he can’t be reliable. Some think he even looks good. I could take him on any day. I’m good-looking. My health is perfect, and I have had absolutely no complaints regarding my performance in any areas.

Why are they saying that Obama’s inauguration crowd was bigger, that his popularity ratings were better? It is all so wrong. Obama is going down.

My  dad was wary of black tenants in his time, and he was a smart guy. Obama is clearly out to get me.

The media: They are all on a witch hunt. Only Breitbart, Fox News, and a few others make any sense these days.

Just look at the news. There I was in all my presidential glory giving the performance of my life to Congress.  Every detail was carefully scripted; the tone, the content, the tie, the crying Navy SEAL widow.

What happens? All the media focuses on is Jeff Sessions. Seriously, Jeff Sessions, what’s there to focus on in Jeff Sessions?

So the guy forgot about a few discussions with the Russians. Who doesn’t?

The White House Staff: Those incompetent nincompoops. Nothing gets done. Spicer and Conway are losers. My message just doesn’t get across.

The idiots on my staff and in Congress can’t even agree on a border adjustment tax. What the hell are they doing? Pence and Ryan were supposed to handle the Republicans.

Instead nothing happens, except for these stupid inquiries into my team’s Russian contacts. The tax reform is at a stand still. Healthcare is a mess, and my wall is becoming a fence.

The leaks: Whoever is doing the leaking, watch out. I am going to hurt you. That’s a promise. The only one doing the leaking on this show is me. You noticed my latest tweet on the Obama wiretapping, didn’t you? Brilliant, if I say so myself.

If anyone else had done it, they would have ended up being sued  for defamation or charged with leaking confidential information. But not me. I’m the President! They can’t get to me, those you-know-whats. I’m untouchable.

This Obama accusation was just the thing to make the whole Jeff Sessions matter fade into the background. Take that Obama.

The regulations:  Just look at all the things I have done. Close to a hundred regulations have been delayed, suspended or reversed, and I am just getting started.

I made sure anyone can buy a gun, whether they are mentally ill or not; and there is no need anymore for the telecommunications industry to take reasonable measures to ensure that personal information is not stolen.

Everybody is calling me, the automakers, the pharmaceutical industry, Wall Street; they all come to me, and I help them. The Business Roundtable – you know the one that represents some of America’s largest corporations – it sent me a list of 16 rules it wants killed. It was so helpful. We already have many of the repeals underway.

Take this mandatory disclosure thing. The one that says that you have to tell everyone how much chief executives are paid compared with other employees. Why would the employees need to know such things?

I agree a hundred percent with the Business Roundtable. It would have a negative impact on economic growth, if employees knew too much.

I can prove this just about as well as I can prove Obama’s wiretapping.

All in all, can’t you dummies see it. I am working hard to bring jobs back, or at least to keep Wall Street happy. I am working so, so hard, or at least Bannon is working, or someone.

The cut backs: Not only am I deregulating, I am making sure there is no money for any funny stuff anymore. All the funding for the Green Climate Fund will be eliminated, as well as the bilateral climate change funding.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s budget is being cut by 17%, if I get my way. When I am done, polluting will be easy again.

I have called for a drastic cut of funding for diplomacy and development too, including the cutting of economic and development assistance by 61% and humanitarian assistance by 36%.

We are done with this humanitarian stuff. It is every country for itself out there in the future. If the world isn’t an angry mess already, it will be when I am finished. Take that Obama.

Immigrants: Mexicans are being expelled in droves daily. Some of them have lived here for decades, so it’s  about time they go home.

Had you fooled with the Muslim ban, didn’t I? It’s not really about any security threat, you know. We have to say so in our version 2.0, but that’s not the real point .

It’s all about the demographics. We need to change them. Enough is enough as far as immigrants and refugees go.

Who cares, if this was not what our founding fathers fought for, or what the Statue of Liberty represents. Like it or hike it, Obama.

His presidency: As you can see I am so, so busy. There really hasn’t been any time for bigger issues in between fighting the media, keeping Wall Street happy, hitting on defenceless immigrants, and trying to make everyone see that I am the BEST PRESIDENT EVER. Much better than Obama.

Why can’t they see it?

The Trump rallies: I’ll keep fighting.  Doing what I do best, which is rallying my supporters. If things get out of hand, it’s not my fault. I never asked them to issue bomb threats to Jewish community centers, did I? Or harass anyone.

Although Obama….We may want to do what we call a Lauren Batchelder on him, if the wiretapping inquiry doesn’t work out in Congress.

Bannon: They are saying Bannon is running the White House. Where do they get these ideas? He isn’t running anything. He says so himself every time he brings me a new speech or a new executive order to sign.

DonaldT, he says, you’re in charge. Show them with this speech, and this executive order. So I do, I show them. They just don’t see.

Nastyoldlady: Have you ever considered dressing like a real woman? Looks are important, a woman should look like a woman. You look too much like your pen name in those pants.

No disrespect intended, I respect women, you know. Take my daughter Ivanka. She’s so, so great. Much greater than Michelle.

I have another nastyoldlady visiting me soon, Angela Merkel. From Germany, you know. She likes pants too. I won’t be grabbing anything there. Nastyoldladies are not my type.

The Russians: What is this obsession with the Russians anyway? Everybody meets Russians. You have met some yourself, haven’t you?

Why can’t the media and Congress just let sleeping dogs lie?

Lie, such an apt word in DonaldT’s case. Talking about pants – his are on fire.